As it becomes spring everything is constantly changing. There is evolving landscape all around us. The flowers pop up and bloom all around us and the wildlife starts to come out from it's long winter's nap. New babies are born in the soft kiss of the spring wind blowing through open windows. There is lots of change in the spring. Children finishing up exams for school and getting ready for graduations and summer vacation. It is easy to get lost during this busy time of the year.
After all it is constantly changing. I've read back some of the posts to this blog. My have things changed. That sweet little peanut is not about to graduate from elementary school to middle school and that sweet pumpkin of mine is taller than me and about to enter high school. They are changing so much before my eyes.
I have always had an identity through them after all I am their mom. I am a mom I would do nothing to change that but being a mom to them is evolving and changing. They are no longer tiny toys that need me as often. Now I find myself in an endless line of carpool lanes to take them too and from activities. They are developing their own way. I can't help but to think of myself at this age. What were my parents thinking?
Somewhere along the line as they have been growing and changing I have changed too. I threw myself into their lives as much as I could while they have been in school. Room Mom, soccer coach, team mom, PTA, PTA Board, PTA President, scout mom, scoutmaster, committee member. I volunteered for everything. You name it my hand was the first to go up because you see when I'm in, I'm all the way in.
So what's the purpose of my blog today? I want to find out where I lost myself. When did I stop being me and when did I start being identified as a professional volunteer. I do everything for everyone. I do like so many moms and pour myself out all for others. Well guess what? Now I'm empty. I need filled back up.
How do I do it? It feels like my own mini midlife crisis of being empty from giving so much and not knowing what my identity is with so many changes in my life. Maybe my next blog post will be how to be the mom to a teen. Who knows? I'm on a new journey now to rekindle my relationships with friends and family. To repair the passion with my best friend, my husband. To find a new way to identify that I am lacking. To fill my life back up so I can feel whole again.
Join me on this journey (or not) if you please. I'm doing this for me this time. It is time to bloom, to let spring renew me and to stand back and enjoy the soft glow of renewal and the kiss of the soft spring breeze.
So...here goes nothing. Until next time!
C
